Should Your Child Even Love You?
For more than the last decade, I have pushed through, endured, and worked harder than ever before to make sure my two kids and I had what we needed. Unlike some divorced single moms, I failed two years in. I had asked myself over and over, Should your child(ren) even love you?
After a few decisions I had to make for our family I lost it all; my job, our car, our home, most of our personal belongings along with my self-respect. Yet still, neither of them missed a day telling me that they loved me.
So many times we reflect on our strengths, weaknesses and emotions as a parent. When parenting alone, there’s so many other factors that we have to weigh in about our level of parenting “greatness”, or lack thereof. This may be the issue.
When parenting is discussed or written about, the angle is sometimes how well (or not well) someone parents, how our parenting may be affected by the way we were parented, how much we want to give our children what we didn’t have, or more. It builds the doubt-factor instead of analyzing its path; it has its pothole and sunny skies as we grow.
Next-level parenting includes honestly trying to understand the needs, wants and goals of your children. Knowing what brings them joy and then enhancing what you’ve learned about them, will begin the positive breakdown.
They have no idea ( and I’m so glad they don’t) of the fatigue and stress that happens while consistently caring for them — but I still feel that it is not enough. I still shy away from too much affection because I always feel I should be doing more. Of course they don’t know, and I try to hide those emotions. They’re grateful but I still wish there was more I could give.
My kids are so appreciative. Whatever I buy for them, they are grateful. Whatever is not purchased, they seem to understand. They even ask if an item is too much money sometimes. There is a level of mom-guilt that tries to seep in during these times.
I’m reminded of what values I have taught my children: be kind, do what you love, be grateful, use empathy, among others. This is exactly who they are becoming. These are the perfect times to remind myself that I’m okay and so are they.
As I teach them what I didn’t learn or adhere to, I hope and pray they understand it is my gift to them. I have chosen not to let history return to our lives as one of struggle, consistently doing what everyone wants us to do as a way of success. That word is so relative.
I do, however, encourage and provide opportunities for my children to know and understand money and its importance. I’m consistent with offering endless ways to earn and grow money. Informing and providing ways that they can self-evaluate regularly about who they are and who they want to become is vital.
Teaching Life-Lessons — Success-Bound
Figuring out what they love and what intrigues them is my constant goal. What they want to learn (maybe more vital than the others), what and who they do not want to be or what they are not interested in as their life’s work.
Truthfully, although I am a fan of college and have a few degrees, I am learning along the way that it is not the end-all.
I am teaching my kids to look into systems, trades, and certifications also. See what strengths and abilities they have and love, that others are willing to pay for.
I want them to enjoy the thought of having the freedom to work at your leisure, having more time to grow the business you begin, and the choice about how much you can make.
My feelings of insecurity as it pertains to needing to do more for my kids are more about me and not at all about them. It is my goal to find the root of that “elephant in the room” and bring it to its demise.
I have to let go and forgive myself for whatever it is that haunts and tricks me into thinking that I am not enough. My kids’ responses and love say that I am. My inner being is beginning to say that I am.
Should my kids even love me? The blessed thing about my mind trick (believing the positive) is that they should. They do…and sounds like they will continue.
What are your thoughts on Mom guilt?
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