Photo by Kampus Production/

We watch our children grow and guide them in the right direction as best we can.

Most of our parenting springs from the way we were parented or not parented in some instances.

I remember clearly saying to myself at random times when my parents’ answers were no, that I will never treat my children like this! Not knowing then, that they shielded me from so much mess.

And yes, some of their parenting ways are mine also.

I, the strong-willed child, what I was always called, still found ways to do those things my friends or I deemed cool. The thing about me back then, and even now, is that I never required a crowd.

I never look to my peers for validation. If I wanted to do a certain thing or go somewhere that I found interesting, I would be on my mission.

If someone joined me, great. If not, I had no problem with experiencing it, whatever it was, all alone.

They told me I would have sooo many issues with my kids.

Honestly, I had a few regular parenting issues as my daughter grew. Think about it…daughters have a mind of their own. Especially pre-teens. LOL!

Early on during my divorce, financial changes, etc. Shit hit the fan…over and over…and over.

But we hung in there. I took care of what needed to be handled as a parent with consistency and straight-up seriousness, a taking-no-shit attitude. Of course, life moved on and things gradually got better.

Both my kids are doing well and my parenting strategies seem to work. Soft, yet…. “I love you more than life but don’t play with me” rule never fails.

Who lied and said once they hit 18 I would be done?

Somebody lied consistently because there are so many 18-year-olds or teens who are almost 18 and seem to be fixated on that myth. Grown at 18.

They wish.

The myth of being grown at 18.

Are they? Hell naw! Far from it.

I go more into depth about this in another article “18 and Grown…” right here.

Screenshot of the main photo from the author’s article, “18 and Grown…”

Parenting doesn’t stop there. Just a new strategy begins. Still, guide them but remember they have choices too.

Many feel that they are able to make the best decisions even in moments when we, as parents, see the hole they are about to fall in.

Now that my daughter is almost 23, I have learned that my job now is to advise when requested. Uninvited comments and concerns can be just wasted.

But we push forward letting our young adults know that we have been there (if we actually have, of course). Letting them know we are just trying to spare them.


So don’t stop caring. They really don’t want you to. Yet, stop offering your 2 cents when not requested.

And mostly, I have learned not to come for them if they didn’t send for me (if you know, you know).

Let them live their life. Trust and believe, they won’t forget you cared.

Or who allowed them to be an individual and that ultimately, you as their parent mean well and will be there for them throughout this journey of validation.

All while they are finding their own value system and a way to ultimately be happy, healthy, and whole. At least that’s my prayer.

On their terms in their own time.

Tiffany Jasper
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