Five Missed Signs You Need A New Friend

Five Missed Signs You Need A New Friend

Photo by Obie Fernandez/Unsplash

Some of our greatest times are with our closest friends. Our friends, however, are in many cases an extension of family. They tend to be as close as family or definitely people who you grow to love and trust. 

You’re grown up now and there are still so many memories of the friends we had when we were younger and more accepting. It’s so nostalgic as you think about the fun you had. Thinking about the experiences and secrets that you had that only your bestie would know. 

But as we grow, sometimes friendships can take a turn.

As humans, we begin to react to what we may not agree with quite early on in friendships. Just think about it. Remember when you and your friend played a game or just had a conversation about a random topic.

There were times when your friend would say something not so nice to you or about you (possibly laughing simultaneously) if they were not in the winning circle, but you were. 

You noticed the signs but blew it off because, why? She’s my friend. She was only playing. Was she? Of course, you may have thought, as you moved forward with your time together. 

As your friendship has grown, more of those incidents that were subtle ways of letting you know that their part of the friendship was lagging and downright rude are more prevalent. Keep in mind that it is okay as you mature and grow older, you will or should obtain new friends. 

The weird thing about all of this, we still believe that if we treat someone a certain way, it will be reciprocated.

Should they reciprocate? Of course. Do they? Take a moment, think about it, then answer honestly.

Maybe it’s time for a new friend(s).

The truth is… you will have to show others how to treat you by, first, noticing the signs when others are not being a good friend or speaking up when you are experiencing the short end of the friendship stick.

  1. Consistently trying to outdo you and your accomplishments.

There are those who want to be the star of the show (anyone’s show) all the time. If you don’t know already, everyone has and deserves time in the spotlight. 

This can be anything that is important to you. Whether it is earning an award at work, realizing how to make extra money or just an “Ah-ha’ moment that matters to you. You deserve the support you give others.

  1. Friends are known for being supportive and interested in what the other has to say. Especially when it is something that is important to you. If you notice that’s not happening regularly, try a few things. 

First, self-assess. Are you telling your friend something all the time? If that is the case, then possibly pull back some. If there is too much overload of details all the time, that can be a lot for anyone. 

Remember, we’re human and not all the time, someone wants to be a sounding board. It’s okay not to tell your friend everything all the time. Again, that can be a lot for anyone to constantly take in another person’s issues all the time (sometimes, sure). 

Once you can answer this question, you’ll understand that you are not offering information overload to your friend. They may be giving you a sign that they aren’t as interested in what you have going on and more about what is happening with them. Maybe time for new friends.

  1. Being unable to have or when your friend refuses to allow you space when you need it. Don’t get me wrong, it is such a great feeling to have a friend or friends who are there to spend time with. That’s one of the best memories we have. However, like anything else, there are sometimes you will need a break. Yes, a break! Even from your friend. 

This is normal and okay. There may be or have been times when you may have been going through a few issues that you didn’t necessarily want to discuss, but needed to be addressed in your own way.

You found that the best way to work through whatever it was you needed to handle, was to retreat, go M.I.A. But for some reason your friend just couldn’t (wouldn’t) understand. 

You may have experienced a friend who would just needed you to talk to them or respond to them even after you have explained not being able to communicate at that time. 

You may feel that you are borderline forced to continue to operate the way you have in the past, even when going through some issues. This may be seen as your friend being selfish.

Technically, if someone is constantly trying to get you to connect with them even though you obviously can’t right now, is just that. 

It’s okay that a person may seem like they want to help, but are they? Or is it more about you doing what they want you to do, even though it is not the best decision for you. Choose you! Every time!

Photo by Walter Randlehoff/Unsplash
  1. Have you experienced, in your friendship, that you seem to be doing all the work? You’re feeling like you are in the pair by yourself? You are not dreaming. If it appears to be the case consistently, then it is the truth. There are plenty of friends who only want to be a “friend” when they want to or when it benefits them. 

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”    ~ Dr. Maya Angelou

Do you support your friend’s endeavors, events, etc? Is that support offered to you? If not, it may be time to bring it to their attention to see if there can be a plateau of communication. 

Once you have made the effort to address the signs, you will have to make a decision at that point. Remember, it is not okay for one person to do all the work or be in the spotlight all the time for the connection to be one of care and kindness.

  1. You are starting to reach your goal(s) and your friend begins to be a bit shady. You know? She is starting to huff and puff when you’ve reached a new plateau or you have begun to chat about what you have obtained or a goal that you’ve been working on. 

Not in a bragging sense at all but just in conversation. It is so normal and human to try to attain a certain something and be excited to tell someone who you are friends with. 

You’ll know that what you are experiencing is no longer important to your friend. She may even begin to change the subject to something totally different or divert the conversation to what is great about herself midstream of your discussion. 

An abrupt end to the relationship is also a possibility, so don’t be alarmed. This particular type of person showed signs and had an agenda to connect and/or stay connected with you because at the time you were struggling or hadn’t quite reached the level you have now. 

You may have been at a point where you hadn’t reached a certain goal or was a bit stressed or even depressed about an issue. They may have thrived on you not being, say, on their level which was a large reason they needed you. 

Of course, you didn’t know it, but now that there has been such an abrupt change in the friendship, think back on the connection. Does this sound familiar?

You have more now, things are going better for you, your new found job, joy, relationship, etc, is more than you had or at a level to equal or exceed her to some degree. Instead of being happy for you, she may no longer remain your friend. 

Take a moment, is that someone you want on your team? Be honest. Nope!

It may be time to prepare for a shift in friendship connections.

Conclusion

As we mature and learn lessons along the way, our need for certain friends changes. We encounter and have to come to a realization that everyone is not a friend. That definition is so specific to each person. We choose our friends in different ways and for different reasons. 

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. Be wise when choosing who you have in your circle as friends. Anything else, may be an unnecessary stress. Find a way to live stress-free with friends who are tried and true.

Tiffany Jasper
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